Comfort for the Day

– 7 – Remember, you are unique, and your grief work will be unique to fit your needs and personality. You may find that your “stair-stepping” experience will take you back down one or more steps during difficult moments. Then you may find yourself ascending several steps at a time. Some steps must be climbed over and over again, but more healing takes place each time you climb that emotional step. Waves of Grief It is very difficult to anticipate the varying emotions of grief; however, denying or running from those emotions will only prolong the recovery process. Grieving emotions can be compared to waves on the beach. We know that waves continually break against the ocean’s shore, yet it is difficult to anticipate their size and force. Intense emotions can come upon us in the most unexpected places and during the most unexpected times. Ten years after Dawson died I remember silently crying in the middle of a meeting at a women’s retreat. Out of nowhere, sadness overtook me, and the tears spilled out. A sneaker wave (larger and more forceful than other waves) at the ocean can at times move more quickly than we can outrun. Sometimes the wave even trips us and we fall. Likewise, running from our emotions can leave us emotionally “tripped up.” Face the wave. Face the emotions head-on. After you have faced your feelings honestly, you can acknowledge them. These experiences are benchmarks in your recovery. Don’t fight, don’t resist, and don’t struggle. Allow the wave of emotion to hit. Give yourself permission to float in the feelings for a time. During that time, reason with yourself about what the reality of the situation is versus your emotions. As you spend this time weighing the truth as you know it against your emotions, you will discover the freedom to accept your emotions and the freedom to give them up to the sea, allowing your reason to bring you back to shore and reality. As I wept that afternoon, I realized that my love for our son would ever be present. I was encouraged to know that pain was not my enemy, but rather a reminder of my love. While feelings are real, they are not reality K. Nicola